This is the third year I am not at home celebrating Dad's birthday. Every year when I return home, I see Dad with more and more grey hair. It's heart breaking. I feel so sorry that I am not able to be beside Dad each day as he grows old.
I still remember when I was young, Dad brought me for a morning walk early in the morning with our dog, Don. We reached the end of a cliff and there was a pond below the cliff. I threw stones into the water and Dad told me not too. I asked why and Dad told me a story that a dragon might be living in there. I now know that it's not true but at that time, it was really an enjoyable story for me and sometimes I wish I can re-live that moment again.
I also remember during primary 1, I attended a bon fire at school. When we wanted to leave, the car could not start. Dad has to push the car to jumpstart it and he did it all alone. I could still remember Dad's face at that time. He still smiled while struggling to push the car all by himself. My hear ached now when I think why Dad has to do this alone and no one helped him that time. I would if I could... but I was too little that time.
The happiest moment was when we were staying in Seremban. I remember I used to follow Dad on weekend fishing trips and he would drive us into the rubber estate to look for worms as fish bait. Those were the times and all the sweet memories. I missed those times.
I also remember a few years back, I received a call from Brother at midnight, telling me that Dad passed out. Brother was crying over the phone and I knew that his heart must have ached seeing Dad in that condition. I rushed to hospital. This is also a time that I regretted not being there to hold Dad when it happened.
I remember how Dad sometimes used to panic over some matters that happened at home and made a lot of wrong decision at times, but no matter how many wrong decisions he has made, he is still my hero. I know I may have said many things that hurt him before but I never meant to do so. I hate those people who likes to bully my Dad and take advantage of him because he is too kind. But Dad always says let it be as they will face the punishment of their own someday.
Each time I return home for a visit, Dad would go here and there to buy the food that I like to eat. I remember there was once where I threw a huge tantrum at him and then I cried over it. I was in depression at that time and I needed help. But I know being depressed doesn't give me a reason or rights to scold Dad. Dad did nothing wrong...Dad just kept quiet... I am truly sorry, Dad. I was very wrong.
I seldom call home and even when Mum called, I did not talk to Dad. I am just not used to calling home all the time and I really do not know what to talk if I call home. I always chat with Brother and through him, I knew everything that happened at home. Thats why I do not ask or talk a lot when Mum calls. I cannot break this habit of not calling home. I am sorry. But I know Dad will understand my character and I know that he will not love me less for not calling home.
I know Dad always wanted the best for me and Brother. The best decision I made was to take up ACCA which did not cost him a lot of money. I remember how happy he was were when I shouted in joy that I passed ACCA!
Dad, each time I leave KL, I dare not hug or kiss you in KLIA. I know I will cry if I do that because I feel that I am not being there enough for you. I leave with regrets and a heavy heart each time. I would stay home and take care of you and Mum if I have the choice, but I need to go back to where my Husband is and to make more money so that you and Mum will have a better life in KL.
Dad, the thing that I worried most is your health and your safety. I worried about you each time you are driving on the road. I dare not take another news from home like a year ago where you met with an accident, that is my worst nightmare. Please do me one little favor... drive slowly and safely... do not speed like you used to.
Time flies... I miss you a lot and cried when I think of you and wonder what you are doing back at home. I guess you must be relaxing on the sofa I gave you and watching TV.
Dad, you are 61 years old this year. I wish you Happiness, Good Health and Safety. I will buy you a very big meal on my next trip home.
I Love You, Daddy!!!
